we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
