My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
