So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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