i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
