Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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