i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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