You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
