is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
