Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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