How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
