just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
