I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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