so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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