i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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