i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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