ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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