Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
