3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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