90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
