I'm lost and stupid without you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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