so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
