plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
