can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
