Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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