you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He passed out mid-signature
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
