i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
