I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
