You were right. It hurts to walk today.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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