I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
