This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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