he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
