he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
