i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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