the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
