oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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