Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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