jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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