i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
