so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we're making bets on your personal life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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