I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
