I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We talked him into tasing himself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
