Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the condom got lost in my hair
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
