guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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