She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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