my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
