I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
