well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
