Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
