im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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