is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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