so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
