She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
